A burning question for many new horse owners is, does my horse like me? This seemingly simple question has a somewhat complex answer.
Don’t take it personally!
It is important to preface what follows with a gentle reminder not to take it personally if you learn your horse has negative feelings during your shared interactions. Even within strong human relationships, we don’t always have positive feelings toward one another. But by acknowledging feedback—even negatvie—from friends and family, we can enhance and maintain those strong bonds. Feedback from the horse is also just that: Valuable information with which we can improve our interactions and overall shared relationship.
Can horses even like us?
Horses are sentient beings, just as we are. They have unique thoughts and feelings, and they can experience pain and pleasure. Horses also form likes and dislikes about things or situations. They experience some of the same emotions we do, such as happiness, sadness, fear, and anger.
How horses communicate their feelings
Horses communicate directly with one other through a variety of ways, such as body language and vocalizations and even chemically, through odors. While we humans frequently vocalize our thoughts or feelings to one another as a means of communication, the horse’s vocal repertoire is limited and isn’t the best way to judge how they might feel at any given moment. We humans are also not hardwired to receive chemical messages horses might send. Luckily, the horse’s body language can help us determine what they might be feeling from one moment to the next.
Related Reading: From Body Language to Behavior: How Horses Communicate
Repelled or attracted?
All animals are repelled by unpleasant things and attracted to things they find enjoyable or pleasurable. When observing or working with horses, I often ask myself, “How would this horse behave if given true choice?” For example, if I am brushing a horse that is cross-tied, how would he behave if he was not tied and could choose to move. Would he be repelled by the brushing, trying to get away—even biting in an effort to repel me? Or would he show attraction—leaning into the brushing or following if I stepped away? This basic level of assessment can give us valuable clues about a horse’s likes or dislikes.
Often, horses cannot behave freely, whether due to physical restraint or as a result of learning previously that they have no choice to do so. Even then, their behavior will indicate how they feel about what is happening to them. These signals might be inhibited by the restriction, but they will be there. Note that the inhibiting effect of restraint frequently causes negative feelings to escalate, and many a person has been surprised by explosive, negative equine behavior that appears to come out of nowhere. By becoming skilled in reading subtle horse body language, we are better able to parse out what they might be feeling.
‘Trust Bank Account’
Often, horses I see have “trust bank account” issues. Susan Friedman, PhD, was the first person I heard describe the relationship we have with our animals in this way. Put simply, whenever we interact with an animal, we are either putting deposits in an account or taking out withdrawals. Deposits occur when horses experience positive emotions when we are together. Withdrawals occur when the horse experiences negative emotions. All animals, including our horses, would prefer to trust those with whom they must interact.
Unfortunately, a horse’s prior experiences with people can put an account balance into the red, leaving a new owner with some work to do get that balance back into the black. It’s understandable that any animal would dislike those who damaged their trust. Contrary to what some social media posts might say, we can’t make a horse trust us. We can only show ourselves to be trustworthy. Horses must be able to decide for themselves—after repeated, positive, and predictable experiences—that people are worth trusting.
‘It’s not you—it’s what we do together’
Sometimes it’s not us the horse has negative feelings about but the activities we do with them. It can be helpful when assessing our relationship to consider not only how they feel about us, but also the things we do with them. If those things cause the horse to feel fear, pain, or stress, that will reflect on how they behave toward us. For example, a saddle that causes pain or trailer loading techniques that cause fear will generate emotions that can also be transferred to any people present.
If you notice your horse showing signs of being repelled by an activity or event, pause and try to remedy the situation. By listening and responding to your horse’s behavior appropriately, you’re more likely to have a positive influence on how he views you. You can alleviate his pain or fear and increase the likelihood that your horse will like you.
Get social!
Horses are a highly social species, having evolved to never want to be without other horses—for safety, comfort, and pleasure. While horses haven’t evolved over millennia to form as strong of social bonds with us as our dogs have, they certainly can form likes or dislikes about certain people. We can enhance this by interacting with horses in ways they find enjoyable, such as:
- Using touch or grooming that they enjoy.
- Making training time positive.
- Engaging in enjoyable activities, such as hand-walking and grazing.
Finally, horses that like the company of others often enjoy just “being” together. Quiet time near one another is an underrated way to enhance our bond with our horses.
So, does my horse like me?
While research doesn’t yet exist to show that horses experience love for another species the same way we do, they certainly can feel positive emotions about us and what we do together. Learning how to read their emotions, focusing on interactions that maximize trust bank account deposits and minimize withdrawals, and fostering positive social interactions with them can put us well on the path to having an equine partner who likes us.
Lauren Fraser, MSc, FFCP, has helped people understand horse behavior problems since 2006. With a background working as a horse trainer, an MSc in clinical animal behavior, and more than a decade working as an equine behavior consultant, Lauren’s approach gets to the heart of why horses behave the way they do and addresses issues using low-stress methods. Lauren also guest lectures at universities, presents at conferences, and creates educational programs for horse owners and equine professionals.
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